Instincts
by acesdesire
Summary: Alternate scenario where Kratos finds his family at the bottom of the cliff on that tragic day, and everything changes. For better or for worse, who can say?


Violet boots scraped along the steep hillside, causing pebbles and bits of the earth's debris to tumble down. Adrenaline was pulsing so violently through Kratos' veins, he didn't even think to use his wings to journey down the cliff; he just needed to get to his family as quickly as possible. His family… He could see them now. Or, whatever was left of them.

Kratos stumbled as he reached the bottom of the cliff, the speed of his slide down coming to an abrupt halt. It was just as well. He wasn't sure he could have moved in that second anyway. Through his rain-soaked hair, he eyed Noishe's white fur, now splashed in a good dose of red, which probably wasn't his blood alone. He lay with his eyes closed, mouth twitching slightly in pain, head resting protectively, even now, over Anna's waist. Kratos' stomach sickened as he dared to look her over next.

She was lying in the opposite direction of Noishe, her body curled in against the gentle creature. Her long, dark hair curled around her neck and clung to it, thanks to the crimson liquid that had dried there, in that cursed spot where the Exphere had been so brutally torn from her skin.

Kratos urged his legs to move forward, though they did so grudgingly. His calves trembled, his joints ached with each small step. He collapsed to his knees when he reached her. Her skin was so white, and her normally rosy cheeks were now just a dull grey; he knew just by looking that he was too late. He was about to pull her into his arms when he realized what was missing. He'd expected Lloyd to be curled in against her, knowing he would have crawled there on his own if he'd been able. So, where was he?

The angel drew in a sticky, tortured breath as he glanced around like a madman, searching desperately for his child.

"Lloyd? Lloyd!" he called, feeling his heart thump so hard against his chest, he thought he might die right then and there, too. His throat felt like it was closing over, his eyes welling up, the world spinning. Then he heard a cry. Never in his life had he been more thankful to hear his baby cry.

He turned to look behind him, and saw his precious Lloyd in the arms of a small stranger. A brown-bearded dwarf held the child in his arms, but Lloyd's arms were outstretched, reaching for his real father. Kratos stifled a sob, his heart and soul overwhelmed by the sight of the toddler—who had always been a bit of a mama's boy—looking so desperately for him.

"Lloyd," Kratos whimpered, hurrying toward the dwarf, who handed Lloyd over without hesitation. Lloyd's red eyes continued to release tears, and he cried loudly for a few seconds as Kratos pulled him in against his chest, closing his eyes and allowing himself to treasure this moment, and the fact that he hadn't lost his entire family.

"Ssshh, it's okay. It's alright, little one," the angel whispered, softly, his regretfully bloodied palm holding Lloyd's head in close to his neck. The baby slowly started to settle.

"You must be Kratos," the dwarf said, voice low and gentle. Kratos looked up at the sound of his words, tilting his head curiously.

"The lady. In her last moments… she was asking for you," the stranger solemnly explained, his gaze lowering to the ground in disdain.

Kratos shut his eyes again, tightly this time, unable to bear the thought of his dear Anna wanting him there, _needing_ him there, and he had failed her. He had failed her terribly. Even after fatally injuring her, even after failing to protect her, she still wanted him near. How could that be? How could he be forgiven just like that? He didn't want to think of her dying alone, being scared. Had she been scared without him?

Kratos cleared his throat before his thoughts tortured him any further. He felt Lloyd's little arms reach as far as they could around his neck, giving him a tiny embrace that he needed more in that moment than he could even express.

"Can you tell me where I can find shelter? I just need to… get my bearings," Kratos admitted, surprised when his mind had actually succeeded in putting his thoughts into audible sounds. The dwarf nodded.

"Follow me. I have an underground home nearby."

"Underground," Kratos repeated, numbly.

He wasn't exactly sure he wanted poor, distraught Lloyd to go anywhere else scary, or dark—today, or _ever—_ but he wasn't exactly in a position to be picky. And besides, going underground might have been their best bet as far as safety was concerned. The Desians weren't likely going to look for them there, and Kratos was sure they _would_ look for them. After all, even after the bloody fight on the cliff with both Kvar and Forcystus, Kratos had somehow made it out of the battle with Anna's Exphere in hand.

"Please, lead the way, erm..."

"Dirk," the dwarf replied. Kratos' breath froze in his lungs. No way. They hadn't been that close, had they?

"T-the craftsman?"

"Aye. I don't like to brag, but I do have some skills in that area," the dwarf nodded again, heading for Noishe and Anna, hoping to be of some assistance in helping them out of here. Kratos' head fell forward in defeat, his icy breath coming out in a heavy sigh.

"You were the one we were looking for," he whispered, voice too weak now for Dirk to even hear him from where he was standing. "You could have saved her."

* * *

Kratos, Lloyd, and Noishe stayed with the dwarves for about a week. They buried Anna in a cemetery section of the underground. It was actually quite a beautiful spot. Instead of tombstones, each grave had a small, round, oval rock with the name of the deceased on it, which was smoothed and sanded by the dwarves until it was practically shimmering. Each rock sat in a circle of flowers—the favourite flowers of the person who was laid to rest there. Kratos chose lilies for Anna, red and pink ones, even white and yellow, and he was content knowing that her resting place was as beautiful as she had been.

The dwarves performed a small service for her, each coming forth with a golden candle, and singing a peaceful hymn of sorts before letting Kratos and Lloyd have a moment to grieve by themselves. Lloyd stood at Kratos's side, his arm just barely long enough to reach Kratos' hand, but still, he grasped it tightly, not fully understanding the situation, but knowing his father was sad.

The dwarves were consistently good hosts for the entirety of the week. They prepared hearty meals, and made room for Lloyd and Kratos to have a comfortable place to sleep. One of the elderly dwarves enjoyed playing with Lloyd while Kratos tended to Noishe. Every day, Kratos healed Noishe until his strength was drained, and these days, Kratos didn't have much strength to begin with. Noishe improved quickly, but Kratos noticed a definite change in his longtime companion. The creature was noticeably flighty, ears perking up at any sound, sidestepping to get out of the way of any approaching stranger.

The angel knew it would take time for Noishe to get over the incident with Anna—that was, if he ever would. She had attacked him in her monster form, had sliced his side open and broken a rib or two along with it. Even so, Kratos admired his pet for being loyal to the end. He would never forget the image of them at the bottom of the cliff that day, Noishe's head resting on top of her like nothing had happened at all—the best of friends, like always.

* * *

Once the remaining Aurion family members left the dwarves' care, they traveled from place to place, just as they always had, only far more solemnly this time around. Kratos longed desperately for Anna, for her warmth, her laughter, her optimism, and her ability to make Lloyd smile when he just didn't know how. The Desians weren't after them anymore, but Kratos still felt like running. It felt like the only thing he knew how to do. Iselia, Palmacosta, Asgard, it didn't matter where they went, Kratos still felt lost. He soon realized it wasn't that he didn't know _where_ to raise Lloyd, he simply didn't know _how_ to raise him _alone_.

One day while in Izoold, Kratos was down by the water, washing some food-stains out of Lloyd's brown overalls that Anna had sewn herself. They were pretty worn by now, and he had plenty of other clothes for the toddler, but he still couldn't bring himself to part with these. Kratos finished with his cleaning, satisfied with the faded stain for now, and headed for the inn.

When he entered the room, a lump immediately formed in his throat. Instead of keeping a close watch over Lloyd, Noishe was in the corner, holding a front paw up limply, obviously wounded. In front of Kratos stood Yggdrasill, his long, slender fingers holding Lloyd tightly against him.

"He's cute, Kratos," he smirked, bouncing the toddler lightly in his arms. Normally, such a motion would send Lloyd into a fit of hysterics, but right now, his expression was tight and scared.

"Hand. Him. Over," Kratos said, slowly, cautiously, but demanding enough that he hoped his old friend would listen.

"No, you see, I really need your help," Yggdrasill said, with a tilt of his head that was visibly condescending. He had power over Kratos in that moment, and he was well aware of it.

"You have the Desians for that," Kratos reminded him, eyes fierce.

"The Desians. Not as powerful or as smart as you. You should be flattered," the blond smiled, smugly. Kratos merely continued to stand there. "Oh, that's right. They did outsmart you, though. You know, when they found that host body you were fooling around with."

Kratos bolted forward, ready to give Yggdrasill a good shove, but the intruder raised a hand to Lloyd's throat, wrapping around it only gently for the moment.

"Ah-ah, Kratos, I wouldn't do that if I were you. One wrong move, and your son is just a memory," he warned, and Kratos froze in his spot, his arms falling limply down to his sides, his head lowering in defeat.

"What do you want with me?" he asked, voice low and weak. Yggdrasill lifted his head and sparkles rose around him as he transformed into his original self, his young, more innocent-looking self that he figured would win his friend over far more easily.

"I want your help to revive my sister," Mithos explained, even though Kratos already knew that much. "You want a guarantee of your son's safety. Come with me, and I'll guarantee that safety. Aren't you tired of running for your lives?"

Kratos swallowed hard. Yes, that much was true. They had been running for years, and it had gotten them nowhere. They couldn't run from the Desians, and they certainly couldn't hide from Mithos. If Mithos wanted Kratos on his side, and wouldn't rest until he was, then surely this was the only way to keep Lloyd safe. That was all Kratos wanted now. He couldn't fail Lloyd, too. He would never let that happen.

"I _am_ tired," Kratos agreed, his worn eyes flickering up to meet Mithos'. The younger angel grinned in a manner that was not as soothing as most smiles should have been.

"If you promise Lloyd will be safe in Derris-Kharlan with us, then fine. I will go with you," Kratos nodded, the sound of a secure place to live seeming so inviting right now. Mithos lowered his hand from Lloyd's neck, and stepped forward, looking like a normal being for once as he gently passed the child over to his father.

"We shouldn't waste time, then," Mithos said, his voice deepening mid-sentence as he transformed back into his more threatening form. With a wave of his hand, he made glowing circles appear at Kratos' and Noishe's feet, and Kratos clutched his frightened, whimpering child tightly as they awaited transport to Derris-Kharlan. This wasn't the childhood he wanted for Lloyd, but right now, it seemed like the only choice. He just hoped Anna would forgive him.

* * *

 _Fifteen Years Later…_

"I trust everyone's following orders without problem," Lloyd said to Forcystus. They stood outside the Iselia Ranch, on top of the cliff from which Lloyd had fallen all those years ago—though he had no memories of that now. Forcystus' cyan hair blew gently in the breeze as they walked along the fence, eyeing the host bodies pushing blocks around inside their shared cage.

"Oh, yes. My Desians will follow Lord Yggdrasill until that glorious day when half-elves reign all," Forcystus grinned maliciously, but stumbled backward when he felt the angel's tight grip on his collar. Lloyd smirked, looking so powerful in that moment, clad in a Cruxis uniform much like his father's.

"I'd watch my tongue, if I were you. I'm part human, after all," Lloyd warned, his tone playful, but twisted with malice.

"M-my apologies, my Lord," Forcystus stammered. Lloyd let him go with a slight shove.

"You're forgiven," he snickered. His eye was then caught by a dash of movement toward the left side of the ranch.

"You may return to your men," Lloyd instructed, not bothering to look behind him even when Forcystus gave him a loathing expression. Lloyd proceeded to the edge of the fence, and gazed upon a bush that seemed to be moving rather suspiciously; the wind definitely wasn't that strong.

Lloyd drew his sword, and took a step toward the bush. His approach was enough to startle the hiding creature.

"I'm sorry! Don't hurt me, please," came a small voice. A small boy with silver hair scooted backward out of the bush. Lloyd stepped around the foliage to get a better view.

"Who are _you_? What are you doing here?"

"My name's G-genis. I-I was just visiting a friend," the boy whimpered. He was curled up with his hands over his head, not even daring to look up at Lloyd. The angel glanced toward the fence, and easily spied an elderly, grey-haired woman who was shooting obvious glances at the boy on the ground.

"You're a half-elf, aren't you?" Lloyd observed, and Genis looked up with a startled expression. His mouth twitched, like he wasn't sure whether or not to answer that.

"Why does that matter?" the boy finally asked.

"You should be happy about these ranches. They mean that in time, people like you will have a place to go," Lloyd smiled, but it wasn't a comforting one.

"People like me?" Genis asked, eyes wide with surprise, even hope, but then they turned angry. "I'm not like the Desians. Even if I do hate humans, I'd never make them do such horrible things," Genis announced, confidently nodding in the direction of the slaves.

Lloyd raised a hand to smack the kid senseless, but his hand seemed to get stuck in midair as he stared down at the trembling child. Genis' eyes were closed, his hands over his head again, just waiting for the impact, but Lloyd couldn't do it. He couldn't harm a kid. In fact, when it came right down to it, he wasn't sure if he could harm anyone who was in this position.

"Kid?" Lloyd asked, swallowing hard. Genis dared to open an eye, and peered upward. Lloyd loosened his grip on his sword and slipped it into his scabbard. "Get out of here, okay? It's not safe for you here."

Genis' eyes widened again, and he scrambled to his feet. He stepped forward, then halted, looking up at the Cruxis member, wondering if he should be thanking him. In the end, he decided he'd better flee before the man changed his mind. The little half-elf took off at a run towards home, and Lloyd stared down at the ground, feeling a pang of guilt, and he wasn't quite sure where it had come from until he glanced down at his hand. His Exphere was glowing a bright shade of blue. His mother's spirit? At a time like this? Lloyd sighed. His father had been right about one thing; his mother was always guiding him.

* * *

Lloyd returned to Cruxis with a heavy heart. He hadn't been able to shake that feeling of unease that had come from meeting the little boy at the ranch. Why had a half-elf risked going to the ranch to visit a friend? Why was he willing to defend humans, while at the same time hating them? And why wouldn't he want to do anything he could to have a world where half-elves were top of the heap? Kratos had told him about the history of half-elves, how poorly they had been treated, why Yggdrasill was making such promises to the Desians. If that little boy experienced discrimination like the stories Lloyd had heard growing up, then why wasn't that boy filled with hatred?

"Dad?" Lloyd asked, one night when he and Kratos were stocking up the mana fragments in one of the storage rooms. Kratos glanced over at him, silently giving him permission to continue. Lloyd hesitated as Kratos continued retrieving fragments from his small cart, and placing them on the shelf. He wondered if his father would understand, or if he would scold him for not being able to dish out proper punishment on the young half-elf. Over the years, though, Lloyd had learned that Kratos was very wise, and knew a lot about the world around him, so he gathered his courage and started to speak.

"Do you ever feel like… what we're doing is wrong?"

"What do you mean?" Kratos asked, raising a brow, and concentrating a little harder on Lloyd now, realizing this wasn't just one of Lloyd's comical little quizzes—like the time Lloyd had inquired about all his likes and dislikes in the way of food for the entire two hours while they stocked the shelves.

"Well, for one, we're humans, yet we're helping work towards a future of half-elves," Lloyd started, and Kratos remained tight-lipped, not at liberty, even with his son, to reveal that wasn't near the extent of Yggdrasill's intentions.

"And, for another, not all half-elves think the way the Desians do."

"What makes you say that?" Kratos inquired, placing another fragment in its spot on the shelving unit. Lloyd paused another moment.

"I met one outside the ranch. He was probably only twelve or so. He said that even though he hates humans, he would never treat them the way the Desians do at the ranch," Lloyd explained, and Kratos felt sick at the thought that the closer Lloyd got to the ranches, the closer he would be to discovering Anna had been among those human slaves.

"Lloyd," Kratos said, turning fully away from the shelf, and placing a strong hand on his son's shoulder. Lloyd eyed his hand curiously, a small, timid smile curving his lips.

"Dad?"

"Trust your instincts. If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. Just..." Kratos paused, and glanced around cautiously to make sure no one was listening, then he leaned in close to whisper.

"Just make sure that if your instincts lead you to disobey Yggdrasill's orders, keep yourself out of danger, and don't let yourself get caught." Lloyd leaned back as Kratos finished his warning.

"Um, okay..." he said, but wasn't completely sure what to do with the information. With that, Kratos went back to his task, neither of them saying another word. Lloyd glanced down at his Exphere, which was glowing for the second time today. Whatever Kratos had meant by what he'd said, apparently, he'd been right.

* * *

A/N: I've just recently gotten back into ToS, and I'm having so much fun delving back into the fandom. So many ideas are popping into my head, it's amazing! I realize that Cruxis Lloyd has been done before, but I've never read any, so I thought I'd do my own take on it. Thank you for reading, and feel free to leave feedback! :D


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